I feel, maybe more this week than any other, I am truly set apart because He has saved me by hanging on the Cross, then triumphing over the grave and justifying me. He then sent the Holy Spirit to live in me. How incredibly humbling. The thing I hear the Spirit saying to me these days is to be thankful. I am awed.

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Every single day, it seems that God has to resurrect me, like bringing Lazarus from the dead.

I meandered around the house yesterday, bawling, depressed, wretched, feeling like my life was just OVER. That whole business of the job issue, scheduling an interview on Wednesday for a job only paying what I made 15 years ago, several thousand $ short of meeting my most basic bills for the coming year completely discouraged me. Yes. I will go on the interview. I will hear what they have to say, and I will give it my best shot. But my spirit says God has other, better plans, even if that job ends up being a “jumping off” point.

I feel much better today. God has a REASON for the trials I have stumbled through, a reason for forcing me to be a fire-walker. I am His princess bride and a joint heir with Jesus Christ. The hairs on my head are numbered, the tears I cried are all collected in His bottle. All I have is His anyhow, even this broken-down house riddled with disrepair, and all the disorganized junk in it. TODAY, I have food, a roof, clothes, and a car. I don’t know where He wants me, or what He wants me to do, but whatever it is, it will be the best thing to put me in the center of His will. If I seek FIRST His kingdom, He will add the rest. My Father is very wealthy. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He can certainly spare a twyla-share from His massive herd when the time is right.

Every day, I ask God for direction. Days, weeks, months pass, and I see nothing but darkness. I get very frustrated and discouraged. No path. No direction. No peace. The other day I was praying about a place in life—AGAIN—and God gave me one of His mini-visions that He is so good about providing when I don’t understand.

I was standing in pitch blackness, unable to even see a hand in front of my face. Suddenly, I saw a tiny, glowing silver thread appear at my feet. It started shimmering out ahead of me, and I followed. Gradually, as I followed, it became wider. I became vaguely aware of illumination shining onto different things outside the path, but I did not have time to examine them, as I was quickly being carried along on the silver path, like riding a raft downriver. Soon, the silver path became so bright, and the light so intense that it began eradicating things on the periphery. I looked up, and I saw a huge silver-white cross standing in front of me. The light coming from it was so intense that it burned away everything all around…..and there was nothing but the white-hot cross. I heard the still, small voice in the back of my mind say “Seek ye first the KINGDOM…..and all the rest will be added unto you…..”

Yes….I HAVE lived a long time in the wilderness, among the wild beasts. I HAVE walked in the dry places and in the fires. God picked me to go through these hard things, not because He didn’t love me, but because He DID. Yes, I HAVE been forced to get out of my comfort zone and come face to face with the living GOD, because He WAS my ONLY hope! No other out. Therefore, I CAN be used…..to fulfill His plans!!!! I anxiously await to see what they are. God… let not one drop of Jesus’ shed blood for victory and triumph be wasted in my life, help ME learn to use every drop well. God…let not one tear or trial of mine be wasted, I pray You use them all to benefit someone else stumbling along the path. Tomorrow, I may be down in the dumps, face on the floor, discouraged again, with my anemic faith in need of another blood transfusion. For today…even though the way ahead is black as night, I CAN see that tiny silver thread on the ground under my feet and follow it. It’s when I get my eyes off the silver thread and onto the darkness that I fall. For today, that small thread has to be enough. Tomorrow belongs to the Lord.

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I received the post below from a dear friend as a forwarded e-mail. It brought a smile to my face, so I thought I would share it with my DBM family. It was said to have been written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. The last line says it all….
Dear Bertha,
I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I’m not ‘saving’ anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
“Someday” and “One of these days”, are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I’m not sure what others would’ve done had they known they wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I’m guessing; I’ll never know.
It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God….

This 83 yr. old women’s wisdom brought her the realization that life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
Make me know Thy ways, O Lord: Teach me Thy paths. Psalms 25:4

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