There’s a limit to what you can hold: You can’t hold everything at the same time.
For everything you’re holding right now there’s an opportunity cost; something you’re letting go of, something that is drifting away from you. You must discover what that is and ask yourself if it’s really worth less than whatever it is you’re holding on to right now.
If you’re holding bitterness; you are sacrificing happiness.
If you’re holding a grudge, you are letting go of your emotional and spiritual freedom.
If you’re holding on to the past, the future is out of your grip:
You can’t effectively hold the future without letting go of the past.
Neither your future nor your past are willing to share your attention with each other. They both want an exclusive treatment and attention.
Trying to hold your future and your past at the same time is like trying to keep two fiancées – who are both aware of their presence in your life. Each of these prospective life partners will be devising a means with which to cut out the other prospect from your life – in other to earn your full attention.
Nevertheless, the ball is still in your court.
The reason your future and your past are fighting for your attention is because they rightly consider you as very wealthy; they see you as the only means by which they can become actualized. You need to choose which one is better. Not which one you’re more comfortable with, but which one is best for you. Trying to hold on to the two, past and future; is like marrying two wives. One of which is very competitive and insecure, that being your past. And the other being secure and confident, that being the future.
Trying to live together with the both – considering their very incompatible character traits – is setting up your home, that is your mind and life generally, for strife and discontentment.
A major problem is that a lot of people seem to be comfortable – holding on to their past – because it serves as a shell. A comfort zone.
These people are more comfortable with the hurts, abuses, betrayals, slanders and other negative experiences of the past, than with the “unknown” experiences of the future. They sadly believe – letting go of their past will free up their hands for more embittering experiences. So they lash on to the devil they know. They throw away the baby with a bath water. They throw away the challenges of the future alongside the future.
But there is something I call, “The art of letting go”:
This is an art that must be mastered by those who want to free themselves from the voluntary shackles of the past, that is people who want to get more – happiness, fulfillment, and joy, out of life.
The joy of the future belongs to these people: People who are willing to let go of their past.
No matter how much you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s important you know that, “Your future is too big to share you with your past”.
It’s all or nothing.
Here are some things you must understand and imbibe – if you are to master the art of letting go:
1. Know that you can be in control.
The only reason everything seems to be happening to you outside your will is because you’ve given up total control. More like you may have unknowingly surrendered control to external influences.
“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” (Proverbs 25:28).
This control I speak about is fundamentally internal.
If you don’t understand that you can control your life, you will most likely remain a victim. Like the scenario painted in the scriptures mentioned above, you will be an open ground for looters and wild animals to come and go at will – while leaving a devastating and dehumanizing trail of destruction and exploitation.
Also,
“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (Proverbs 29:11).
The ability to control external circumstances, which is an evidence of wisdom, is a byproduct of being able to control yourself internally.
You may not be able to choose peoples actions, but you can choose your reactions. And if you can consciously or instinctively choose the right reactions; you will be able to determine and control subsequent actions of the people around you.
You control people by controlling yourself.
The more you learn to control yourself, the more you learn to control people.
However, you must not focus, or be consumed with the prospect of controlling other people. Being able to control people is merely a byproduct of self control; not the essence.
2. You’re too big to fit into your past.
Refusing to let go, to forgive, to move on – is generally like trying to ride your dog, when you can afford a horse. That’s going to frustrate both you and the dog: It’s functioning outside design that’s why it’s so frustrating and emotionally exhausting to hold on to past hurts.
Holding on to the past, to a past hurt, abuse, or any negative experience is mentally exhausting. It’s like trying to use a blunt kitchen knife to cut down a huge tree, when a chain saw is within your reach.
The scenario is spiritually like that of a human being trying to fit into the shell of tortoise for self defense.
And by the way, holding on to the past has little or no effect on those who have hurt you in the past. Even if they are remorseful. But is has a huge effect on the person holding it. It shrinks the persons perspectives and deprives the person from having great experiences with others.
In essence, your past experiences are limited, but your future experiences are unlimited because you are a spiritual and consequentially an unlimited being. So holding to the past, is setting yourself up for emotional suffocation and suicide.
Selah.
Yours in Christ ,
Johnson Chukwuma.
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